TheGamer's Reviews
There’s very little you could get out of Crime Boss that you couldn’t get out of Payday 2 next time it comes around in a Steam sale. And besides, I think those masks that “are for pussies” are actually really cool.
Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse is a disappointing remaster that fails to hide its age under the pretty mask of shiny new character models. While the concept and story are intriguing, they’re impossible to enjoy when you have to wade through the awkward, clunky gameplay at such a snail’s pace. This one was better left on the Wii.
For everything Digimon World: Next Order offers, there is something better. If you want monster-taming, Pokemon and Monster Rancher are right there. If you want specifically Digimon, Cyber Sleuth and Survive are more than enough to have your fill. If you want anything other than wonky pacing, shallow combat, and frequently cringeworthy writing, Next Order probably isn’t for you.
Perish could’ve brought Hexen and Heretic’s medieval boomer shooter vibes kicking and screaming into the 21st century to the tune of howling metal riffs, topped off with a roguelite twist. However, it offers little to incentivise you to go back for replays. Every death feels like starting the whole game over from scratch, with so little changing that each run turns into a chore. The striking set-pieces, like the twisted Herculean monster, with a cage of heads for a, well… head, crumbling the moon just to beat you, are fantastic, but they’re too few and far between to justify Perish making you start from scratch and slogging through shallow mechanics to reach those exciting moments.
High on Life just isn’t very good, and there’s not much more to say. I think a lot of people are taking the route of ‘well, if you love this humour you might enjoy it’, but I already do love this humour and I did not enjoy it. It’s the ghost of video games past, with boring shooting and a bafflingly slim progression loop propped up by bad jokes that feel like some bros on a podcast writing their own Interdimensional Cable skits. It’s free on Game Pass, but your time on this planet is precious. Give this one a miss.
Unfortunately, the performance is so abruptly bad that it completely ruins, to an infuriating extent, what otherwise could have been the best Pokemon game to date.
Shadows of Rose is a shorter, worse version of Resident Evil Village. It’s so committed to recreating a micro-version of Village and following it beat-for-beat that it even copies its major flaws. It concludes in the same location with the same info-dump of lore that quickly wraps up all the loose threads. It ends with the same boss fight (somehow even clunkier and more frustrating this time), and unbelievably, also ends with the exact same cutscene. The scene where Rose visits her father’s grave at the end of Village isn’t the start of Shadows of Rose - it’s the end of it. There’s no new context that makes this scene more meaningful, and in fact, that weird line where the driver calls her Eveline is an even more bizarre thing to say after these events. Capcom is quickly running out of Resident Evil games to remake, and this expansion didn’t give me a lot of hope for the future.
I want to like Steelrising, I really do, but it just won’t let me. Every aspect of the game feels like a barrier to the one thing I enjoyed: combat. Even that got boring. The characters are bland, the story is dull, the setting is derivative, and the finished product is too buggy and bloated to truly enjoy. It needed a few more turns of the key to go the distance and keep on ticking smoothly.
Balloon Flight has struck on a rare thing - a good idea - but failed to execute it. At the end of the day, even if you can get past the steep learning curve of the controls and the physics, there simply isn’t enough content to give you a reason to continue. Only the most stubborn gamers would read the challenge ‘See how far you can get!’ and devote any length of time to this game; besides, they’re all kept busy learning rhythm games or speedrunning something. More likely, players will spend six-odd dollars on this game, fall to their death as cheerful music serenades them, and never return again.
What it has made here could be considered impressive, in a way, considering its lack of expertise in this genre, because it’s not entirely incompetent. The tennis does play fairly realistically and there is a rhythm to it that did remind me of Virtua Tennis 2 at times. But I'm not sure that you'll want to spend your hours with this game, because it’ll seem like time will slow down to a crawl.
Doctor Who doesn’t work without those three things - it’s a fairly bog-standard sci-fi show at the end of the day, but it’s mine and many’s favourites because of the Doctor. The Doctor is the show’s edge, a lovable idiot that’s too smart for their own good tying everything together, ending up in random situations and being forced to interact with strangers to uncover plots of intrigue. We do none of that here. You go to A, do what you’re told, go to B, do what you’re told, until the game ends. Given how short it is, you’re better off watching a few episodes from the show, because this is barely Doctor Who, let alone a good game.
Unfortunately, this goes deeper than a rocky launch. It’s hard not to be disappointed with this 2042 offering. You know when the devs said this is a game to “celebrate Battlefield”? They’ve stripped away some of the most fundamental elements of the series and added tornados and Wingsuits to make up for it. It’s Marketing 101. Explosions, tornados, and swooping helicopters look great. One day, they probably will be great. DICE is one of the best when it comes to post-launch patches - for better and for worse. But if you’re on the fence about buying Battlefield 2042, I would just wait.
So many of these problems can and should be fixed. Better netcode will go a long way, and I expect to see improvements to the controls, the combat inputs, and hopefully even more mechanically intense boss fights. There’s a tendency to recommend bad games to the most devoted fans, but I think fans of Drizzt and Co. will hate this game even more than the uninitiated. The saving grace is that Dark Alliance is included with Game Pass, so it won’t cost you anything to check back in from time to time and see how it’s doing. There is an enjoyable game buried here, I just wouldn’t expect to see it anytime soon.
There’s no doubt that this is an incredibly fun way to play Capcom arcade classics - better than throwing all of your loose change at a game you’ll never actually finish, at least - but the selection available here hasn’t left me feeling inspired. The games in this collection feel like the last options, the games that could never be sold individually. Cult classics like Darkstalkers and every other version of Street Fighter are entirely missing - instead we have a bunch of Capcom arcade games that, for the most part, weren’t deserving of sequels, or any other recognition this far removed from their release. It sounds harsh, but these are the rejects, propped up by Street Fighter 2 and Ghosts ‘N Goblins. There’s fun to be had here, but without nostalgia you probably won’t find much to love.
I wanted to love Destruction AllStars. I still do. There’s just not enough there to make it worth my while right now. A couple of times, I ran into a weird technical issue where I would jump into a brand-new car, but it just wouldn’t move. I think that issues like this can certainly be fixed in a future patch, though. I also know that the development team of Lucid Games has a year’s-worth of content planned for the game. As such, although I can’t recommend playing Destruction AllStars right now, I do have high hopes for the future of the game. Especially since the car combat genre is ripe for the taking with no new Twisted Metal in sight.
Hellbound is a retro FPS with some neat ideas that suffers from lacking execution and a lack of content.
A game about anime waifus spouting rap slangcould be great, but somehow Orangeblood is simultaneously too insane and too boring to make it work.
While Treasures has high points, the low points outweigh them and leave the game a middling experience.
You’ll probably get something out of Spy x Anya if you’re a massive fan of the show, but even if you're fairly enthusiastic about it like myself, you’ll find it lacking. It’s extremely faithful to the show in both humor and aesthetic, but it requires a prohibitively high tolerance for repetitiveness. There’s fun to be had, but it’s locked behind hours of taking photos, lackluster conversations, and repetitive busywork. It’s nowhere near the quality of a must-play title for a Spy x Family fan, and you can probably get as much satisfaction from rewatching the show.
Radiant Tale - Fanfare! handles its romance well, but the game leaves me wanting more engagement. I enjoy visual novels, but I hoped for some sort of mini-game or higher narrative stakes. The lack of real friends for Tifalia rings hollow as well, making it difficult to latch onto anyone. Radiant Tale - Fanfare! is a colorful adventure, but one that falls short of delivering a memorable experience.